It makes me see what I want to see… And be what I want to be
This whole thing is actually a rather sad excuse to reference this piece of musical excellence…
…but read on anyway!
Following a recent revelation that a combination of honey and cinnamon can cure just about anything (http://www.snopes.com/medical/homecure/honey.asp) other important research has now come to light.
Recently discovered diaries by no less an authority than Jeffery Bernard (remember him? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeffrey_Bernard) have suggested that alcohol can have some very positive effects.
It can, like honey and cinnamon (allegedly), make you live longer. A small amount af alcohol, notably red wine, apparently contains antioxidents that can benefit your heart. Clearly this can have an opposite effect on your liver but you can’t have everything!
Do you have a bladder infection? If so flush it out. Alcohol is sterile so simply drink more, visit the toilet more, job done (sic).
It also gives one the ability to fly: How many times do we see stories of drunken men (yes it is usually men) leaping from high places with the assumption that they are invincible? One story has a young Russian jumping out of a 5th story window twice, and surviving with minor cuts and bruises (http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/weird/drunk-survives-five-storey-fall-twice/story-e6frev20-1225697113693?nk=2b39bdcdaab2031c0239bc3f719feb1b) The argument being that his nervious system was numb and that aided his survival. *Please note: despite this example the ability to fly tends to be brief and one directional. Plus landing safely is not guaranteed and is rarely attained.
It can keep your brain alive indefinitely. (Which may explain the use of the word pickled for a drunk). However the rest of you tends to have to be dead first. Then you brain is removed , put in a freezer safe container and voila, it can be kept for you until a cure for cirrhosis of the liver is found and your cryonically preserved body can be repaired.
While you brain is still in your body alcohol (or ethanol – CH
2OH for the scientists) can, help the neurons in the brain resist wear and tear that can lead to Alzheimer’s and dementia later in life. (according to one study – http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21903110)
Another report, from a study of Australian men, suggest sensible amounts of red wine can aid the libido by protecting against erectile dysfunction. (apologies if you are eating while reading this). My admmittedly unscientific brain would dispute this given that the Aussie males definition of red wine is a gallon of Fosters mixed with a couple of cochineal insects. Might also explain why the wife encourages me to open a second bottle on a saturday night.
The common cold: Studies in Spain suggest that drinking 8 to 14 glasses of red wine per week lower the risk of getting a cold. Wieh I was a child I once ate a bottle of aspirin, one of thses explains why I don’t get colds, even when the rest of the family succomb, – I know which I prefer to “blame”.
Younger and fitter. Drinking is not known for helping people look their best, but the special antioxidants in wine (such as phytochemicals and resveratol) can increase energy levels and combat signs of ageing.
Another option is alcohol free wine. Liquid sugar in effect and doesn’t warrant another mention. Alcohol free beer is slightly better given that the beer is made normally and then it is frozen to remove the alcohol. Most have a bit of flavour (flavor for the US contingent) EXCEPT for Kaliber, made by Guinness, which is shite.
So effectively alcohol has the same life preserving properties as honey and cinnamon, arguably more – I sure know which I prefer.
Now where’s the beehive?