…I am an island.
Or, to be more accurate, marrooned on one.
So apparently I am allowed, in my version of Desert Island Discs, 5 things to keep me going. I will assume that the island has a “storecupboard”, the marooned persons version of the essentials store favoured by most cooking programmes. The storecupboard will consist of the following: Trees to burn for cooking and heating. (the trees also have large, soft leaves, ideal for personal hygiene reasons)! Rocks, including a really big one with a cave and small ones to make tools to chop down the trees. There should also be some rocks of a suitable colour (luminous orange would be good) to spell the word “HELP” for passing FedEx aeroplanes to see.
Until Daniel Defoe turns up to research a book about my adventures I will need to set light to some of the trees for the aforementioned cooking and heating. Not sure I can take too much notice of global warming issues here.
2. Lord of the Flies by William Golding
Excellent book in its own right but would also be an invaluable reference “bible” and survival guide. Would also be a handy last resort for burning if I run out of trees.
If a plane load of kids does crash on my island I will need to shoot them before they actually get up to the stuff outlined by Mr Golding. I will confiscate the conch as well.
4. Gabby Logan. (Clearly number one choice but I thought it better to hide it in 4th. After all most people will have stopped reading by now)
As a knowledgably sports presenter she would be an invaluable fireside companion to discuss important issues relating to various sports. For example; Was Kenny Logan an overrated winger?
Yeah right – you believe that don’t you?
5. Marks and Spencers Food Hall
You don’t really think I am going to catch, kill and cook my food do you? M&S provide an excellent choice of ready meals and a nice selection of accompanying wines. And besides Gabby doesn’t deserve to go without…. food I mean. M&S would also sell Neurofen and similar therefore avoiding me getting a headache. Gabby wouldn’t want me to get a headache would she… (and what’s the betting I get in trouble for the last couple of sentences)?
Short, sweet and finished.